just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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