just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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