i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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