i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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