I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
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recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
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In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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