how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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