So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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