Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
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I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And then he peed in my hair
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