Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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