did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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