I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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