You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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