I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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