My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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