If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize