How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize