when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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