if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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