fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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