i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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