Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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