your thong is hanging out like whoa
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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