Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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