Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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