he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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