I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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