Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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