Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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