So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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