Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize