Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
they need to just BURY HIM!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
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I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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