no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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