highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize