Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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