i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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