If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize