so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I lost the right to judge tonight
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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