dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
vagina is talking i cant
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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