i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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