Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
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There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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