she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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