I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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