Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
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