my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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