Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize