I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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