I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize