the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize