I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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