If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize